


a study in humanity; or learning to be human

by skrillwritesstuff



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Android Cores, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, M/M, chell has ptsd, chell is just really tired, eventually, goodbye wattpad, space core is smarter than you'd think, this may end up being a long fic, wheatley will be hurt (a lot)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2020-05-13 15:08:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 9,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19253665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skrillwritesstuff/pseuds/skrillwritesstuff
Summary: (imported from Wattpad)Wheatley's done things that most would consider evil. Heck, even he considers what he's done to be evil. And now he's stuck in the endless cold void of space with a seemingly mad core who won't ever stop yammering. It's a pretty good punishment, he has to admit. But if he got a second chance, he'd take it. So when he sees a way out, he gets back down to Earth. Now if he wants to make it in the real world, he'll have to learn to be human. And there's the minor matter of a Science Goddess who wants him dead.And deep below the ground, in the rotting ruins of Old Aperture, some machinery still works. It seems that maybe some things never died after all.





	1. Chapter 1

Space. Pitch-black and studded with stars. It was all he'd seen for the past weeks. Or would that be months? Maybe even years? It was calm and dark and unnervingly like a sort of Purgatory, Wheatley thought. The only sound was the sound of the other core orbiting the moon with him, screeching "SPACE!" happily through the radio. He wondered how long it'd take for one of them to run out of power. He could put himself into sleep mode to last longer, he supposed, but what was the point? When he turned on again, he'd still be up here, orbiting the moon. He'd tried futilely to get somewhere, anywhere, just to be a little less powerless. It had gone about as well as a Companion Cube trying to swim, or one of the monstrosities he'd created trying to swim. It took him a while to cool down after realizing he'd been betrayed, but it made sense once he was calm. Why should she have tried to rescue him when he was smacked from her grasp? He... he'd been horrible to her. He'd insulted her, tried to murder her, hurt his best- and only friends. Once he was calm, he'd apologized to her and his friends, and even Her, though he knew it was unlikely they'd hear him. He sighed, resigned to his eventual fate as a large chunk of moon rock bumped him. He stared at it boredly, looked at Space Core again and- He did a double take. There it was!! The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device- a portal gun!! On the piece of rock, somehow. He grabbed it and began examining it. A few tweaks to the wiring should get him back to Earth, presuming that She was using the test robots. He'd be back in the depths of Aperture, of course, but that was a minor problem. Very minor. Well, not really, but you know. He aimed the gun at the moon rock after making his modifications, and then hesitated, looking at... Space Core?? Was it even appropriate to call him that now, considering his joyous screams of "SPACE!!" had slowly devolved into sad mutterings about wanting to go to Earth. It would be easier to leave him here, Wheatley knew. And Space Core would just slow him down. But... he'd kind of grown fond of him, if only because he had nobody else. And leaving him behind felt like something that He'd do. And he wasn't Him anymore... right?? So he grabbed Space Core, who was thankfully close by, and he took aim again and fired. And then, without hesitation, he dove through the portal, dragging Space Core behind him.

Atlas and P-Body were utterly befuddled. It had been a normal day of testing. And then He had emerged from one of their quantum tunnels, clutching an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device- an ASHPoD - in one hand, dragging a tall android that appeared to be a corrupted core behind him. True, he looked different - more like a human, far shorter, more disheveled - but it was Him. His eyes darted around frantically before finding a hole in the roof, vines trailing from it and sunbeams escaping from it. They were fairly sure one of the Botany Core's - Rose, wasn't that her name? - failed experiments had made it, but you never knew around here. He dashed over to it, practically pushed the corrupt core up it, and then climbed it himself, taking the portal gun with him. Then from the hole came a loud shattering noise, a yelp of pain. Glass mixed with a bit of oil fell onto the floor. Once the rain of shards had abated, the pair of test robots cautiously looked up the hole once more. A skylight, probably one for the underground experimental gardens, was destroyed, a hole large enough for a human - or android - broken into it. They looked back at each other, shrugged, and continued as normal. It probably wasn't a big deal. Probably.

Wheatley was overjoyed. He'd made it! He was free! He was so incredibly joyous that for the first five minutes of being on the surface, he just ran around laughing his head off. On the sixth minute he tripped and fell into an overgrown duck pond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here's chapter one. yes botany core is from meet the cores don't @ me.


	2. how not to greet an old friend/enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheatley is on Earth. But he's also alone and homeless. But he does know someone who might help him. Unfortunately she doesn't particularly like him.

The air was cold, almost frozen in temperature. And there _He_  was. Smug, mocking, and vicious. He was GlaDOS but a million times worse, because he had pretended to be her friend, to be interested in her happiness and helping her, and then he'd crushed her hopes of escape, maybe forever. He laughed manically. "So, you really think that you can remove me? Take me back to being bossed around by you and everyone else? I don't think so." Grayish-green gas began leaking in from the vents. "Ah, wake up and smell the neurotoxin, would ya?" Her portal gun was gone somehow, and so was GlaDOS, and she was falling to her knees and choking to death, tears leaking out of her eyes as she looked up at Him. And a sharp knocking sound echoed through the air. He turned, looking for the source, and she looked too. Maybe, just maybe help had come. And then the chamber melted away, and so did He. Blackness, just her staring at her own eyelids. Wakefulness. And still the sharp knocking. On a door. Someone was at her door. She stood up groggily, glancing at the alarm clock as she threw a bathrobe on over her tank top and shorts. Who on earth would be visiting her at two in the morning? She stumbled through the darkened house and opened the door, planning to tell whoever it was to go away. She did not do that. What she saw when she opened the door was a short, one-eyed man with a shock of fluffy blonde and blue hair, tied in a ponytail. _Him_. So she did what anyone else would do in this situation. She kicked him in the face, producing a strangled yelp. She then had to try to remove rotting duckweed from her foot without touching it. "Ow! It's completely understandable that you'd do that, but ow." She glared at him and signed _"Get off my lawn. Now."_  She looked up at the taller man behind him. _"Not you, Space Core, you're fine."_  The shorter one backed up a few steps as she stepped forward. _"You heard me, Wheatley. Out!"_  She kicked him in the shins this time. "Ow, I'm sorry! I really and truly am! I was bossy, and monstrous, and horrible and I regret everything- please stop kicking me!" He sprinted to her gutters surprisingly fast for someone with such short legs. He climbed them surprisingly well too. In a minute he was on the roof. She sighed. _"I'm too tired for this crap. I'm going back to sleep, and when I wake up, you had better be fifty miles away from this house, at least."_  She reentered her house and tried to get back to sleep, as Space Core climbed the gutters as well and looked up at the stars, silent for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i never did get why in shredded-wheat-returns fics the fact that chell is overjoyed when he literally tried to kill her. so my version is... different to say the least. also...
> 
>  
> 
> end tall david tennant wheatley. he's just a smol boy okay-


	3. blueberry muffins and skepticism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheatley bakes. We'll never know where he got the oven but I think one of Chell's neighbors woke up to find a window broken.

The air was cold, almost frozen in temperature. And there * _He_ * was. Smug, mocking, and vicious. He was GlaDOS but a million times worse, because he had pretended to be her friend, to be interested in her happiness and helping her, and then he'd crushed her hopes of escape, maybe forever. He laughed manically. "So, you really think that you can remove me? Take me back to being bossed around by you and everyone else? I don't think so." Grayish-green gas began leaking in from the vents. "Ah, wake up and smell the neurotoxin, would ya?" Her portal gun was gone somehow, and so was GlaDOS, and she was falling to her knees and choking to death, tears leaking out of her eyes as she looked up at Him. And a sharp knocking sound echoed through the air. He turned, looking for the source, and she looked too. Maybe, just maybe help had come. And then the chamber melted away, and so did He. Blackness, just her staring at her own eyelids. Wakefulness. And still the sharp knocking. On a door. Someone was at her door. She stood up groggily, glancing at the alarm clock as she threw a bathrobe on over her tank top and shorts. Who on earth would be visiting her at two in the morning? She stumbled through the darkened house and opened the door, planning to tell whoever it was to go away. She did not do that. What she saw when she opened the door was a short, one-eyed man with a shock of fluffy silver and blue hair. * _Him_ *. So she did what anyone else would do in this situation. She kicked him in the face, producing a strangled yelp. She then had to try to remove rotting duckweed from her foot without touching it. "Ow! It's completely understandable that you'd do that, but ow." She glared at him and signed * _"Get off my lawn. Now."_ * She looked up at the taller man behind him. * _"Not you, Space Core, you're fine."_ * The shorter one backed up a few steps as she stepped forward. * _"You heard me, Wheatley. Out!"_ * She kicked him in the shins this time. "Ow, I'm sorry! I really and truly am! I was bossy, and monstrous, and horrible and I regret everything- please stop kicking me!" He sprinted to her gutters surprisingly fast for someone with such short legs. He climbed them surprisingly well too. In a minute he was on the roof. She sighed. * _"I'm too tired for this crap. I'm going back to sleep, and when I wake up, you had better be fifty miles away from this house, at least."_ * She reentered her house and tried to get back to sleep, as Space Core climbed the gutters as well and looked up at the stars, silent for once.

Sunlight filtered through her window, and there was a sharp knocking on the door. She gave a slight smile. It was almost like the odd dream she'd had last night. She dressed and went to open the door, although she was slightly confused as to why the postman would be so persistent instead of just leaving the mail on the doorstep, but she opened the door nonetheless. And then she stared down at Wheatley, unable to process how idiotic this was even for him. He was smiling hopefully up at her and brandishing a small cardboard box. "It's a peace offering! I know how much you like fruit, so-" She opened it warily, expecting a combustable lemon. It was not a combustable lemon at all. What it was was a freshly baked blueberry muffin, which was odd. Odd because there wasn't a bakery in town. You'd have to go to the next town over, which was five miles to the south. And Wheatley had no directions for how to get there. She closed the box again. _"Where did you get this?"_  He looked at her, slightly sheepish. "Uh, well, I remembered a recipe I saw in a cubicle in the facility once, and I figured, well, how hard can it be?" She looked around for the other core, puzzled that he wasn't present. _"Where's Space Core?"_ He too seemed confused, looking around in bewilderment. "No clue. He did seem to want to go to the library around here, but it's hard to-" She turned around and slammed the door in his face, cutting him off. She sat down at the small island in her kitchen, setting the box down and trying to ignore the yelps of "Hey, I was talking! Hey, lady! Hey!" from outside. She opened the box again and removed the muffin. She examined it before taking a cautious bite. She had expected it to be poisonous, at the very least disgusting, but it was light and fluffy, and the blueberries were plump and juicy. Maybe he wasn't actually bad at everything. Just bad at being a friend, and being trustworthy, and at controlling literally anything. She took another bite. And who knew, maybe the surface would be good for him. Maybe he'd get better at everything else. But she was going to help as little as possible. She'd had enough of him to last a lifetime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unrelated note : my brother seems to think that wheatley is a prototype of Cake Core... hmmmmm....


	4. library cards and mild self-loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now Wheat Boi faces the world. And eventually he'll have to face a criminal record. But for now he faces elderly librarians.

Wheatley wasn't stupid. Mostly. He knew it was unlikely that she'd open the door. So he decided his time would be better spent looking for Space Core. He * _had_ * seemed interested in the library. As he walked past the grocery store, dubbed   
"Aldi" for some strange human reason, he noticed a man in a blue uniform taking notes and talking to another human. He decided to be as inconspicuous as possible when passing them, as the man with the uniform reminded him too much of Chuck, one of the other cores. Chuck had always been rather aggressive to everyone, and even more to Wheatley, insisting he was moronic. The nerve! He managed to get by with no trouble, although he overheard sonething about "They stole all the ingredients necessary for a blueberry muffin? Really?" The library was a two-story building, not counting the basement, and it utterly baffled Wheatley. He'd been in Aperture, this was nothing compared to it's size, but in Aperture, he'd known the facility like the back of his hand. This was strange and new and bright with a warm light of sun and of fluorescent lights, rather than being harshly lit with cold blueish lighting. The shelves and shelves of books baffled him too. So many of them were on topics he didn't understand, like war and politics and economy and geneaology. He eventually found Space Core tucked away in a quiet reading nook, nestled into a beanbag and surrounded by books on space, obviously, but also on mechanics, for some odd reason. What on Earth could he want with those? He sat down on the floor next to Space Core. "You can't just go off on your own like that! We don't know this place! It's strange and new and weird!" The only response was "Space?" He'd kind of gotten used to it, though. Space Core stood up, picking up the books and making a precarious pile in his arms. He got to the exit fairly well, and then they encountered a problem. As soon as he tried to leave, a buzzer sounded. A short, elderly woman with a nametag that read "Eliza" rushed over and took the books. "Oh no, dearie, you need to check them out first." She... she spoke? Well, obviously. Humans could speak, it was just sort of part of being one, apparently. But he'd gotten so used to a completely silent human that it was jarring and unnerving. It wasn't that her voice was grating or unpleasant, it just felt... wrong. "But, uh, how do we check them out?" She looked at him, puzzled. "Well, you've got to have a card. Is it different in Britain?" For yet another time that day, he was baffled, and then he realized. "Oh no, I'm not from Britain, I-" Wait. How could he say he was programmed to sound British without sounding insane? He couldn't, so instead he lamely finished with "Yeah, I'm from Britain. And we do have cards! But uh, it might be a different process in America?" She pushed her spectacles up her nose and looked at him curiously. "Well, I'll need your first and last name." First name was easy enough, as it was obviously Wheatley. But what was a last name? Humans had two names? Well, he'd have to come up with something. What could he use that would be normal? Aperture was certainly an option, but he didn't want a constant reminder of that place. But he did have an idea. "Wheatley Lemon." She typed something into a computer, presumably his name and assumed name. "Address?" He paused again. What was an address? He'd seen numbered plaques on the fronts of houses, and he'd seen street signs with names on them. It was highly likely that was what she meant. But he didn't have an address, so he ad-libbed it again. "12 Aperture Avenue." She looked at him slightly suspiciously. "I don't remember there being an Aperture Avenue around here." Oh no. She was going to catch on, wasn't she, and then he'd be back in Aperture and his entire life would fall apart and- He forced himself to be calm. "I'm from the next town over." Another suspicious look. "Don't they have a library there?" Crud. "Uh, it's closed. And my, uh, friend here really needs these books." Space Core, who had been silent the entire time, shockingly, piped in with a call of "Space!" She didn't look entirely convinced, but typed that in anyway and presented him with a card. On the front, it read "Turrayville Public Library." On the back was a number. Turrayville. He presumed that was the name of the town he was in. Something about the name was familiar. Turray... Turret. Oh no. If there were turrets here, he was in trouble. He knew they must hold a grudge against him, considering what he'd done to some of them. He'd made abominations, and then hurt them even more when they couldn't work properly. The librarian finished checking out the books and handed them to Space Core. "Have a nice day." As they exited the library, Wheatley had the feeling that either they'd have a nice day, or something horrible would happen. He hoped for the former, but felt that he'd probably get the latter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheatley robbed an aldi don't @ me. i wonder what space core could want with robotics books...


	5. broken cars and cooking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baker Chell? Nah. Mechanic Chell? Yeah.

Chell was covered in motor oil and grease, her long brown hair tied up in a bun on her head. She had both hands in the hood of a car, working on replacing a broken carburator. Before Aperture, she'd always been interested in gadgets and such, and now she could actually work on machines. She'd been a bit apprehensive at first, considering all that had happened underground. She'd initially thought that it might not be such a good idea, but quickly found it to be cathartic. She could almost imagine that rather than removing broken parts or fixing them, that she was digging around inside GlaDOS' or Wheatley's heads, seeing what made them work. A slight tapping noise, like footsteps, sounded from behind the car, so she closed the hood and went around to see who it was. Nobody was there, but there was a box on the trunk. She opened it, wondering what this was. She hadn't ordered anything. It was a small bowl of rice with chicken and soy sauce mixed in, still steaming hot, a fork sticking out of it. Apparently she could get him off her property, but she couldn't get him to stop making 'peace offerings'. Admittedly, it was better than her plan of trying to wash most of the grime off her hands and making a sandwich for lunch, but still.... She reluctantly took a small bite. Ok, it was plausible he could have seen a recipe for muffins in the facility, but chicken and rice? And that he'd remember it perfectly? Something was up. But it seemed to be a good something, at least. She knew that it would be more sensible to throw the food in the trash. But it was good food. What was the point of wasting good food, despite who made it? So she grudgingly ate it. But it wasn't like she liked it. After lunch, she had planned to continue fixing the car. But her tools had gone missing, oddly. And tracked through the oil were footprints too big for Wheatley. In fact, they looked to be the right size for Space Core...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheatboi cooks, who knew.


	6. old enemies and the risks of motor vehicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ehehe, poor Wheatley will get more than he bargained for. Namely, a revenge-seeking, farming, couple...

Wheatley found himself with nothing to do. So he decided that, hey, what could happen on a nice countryside walk? The stalks of corn were taller than he was, which meant he didn't see the side of the henhouse until he smacked into it. He fell to the ground and watched a chicken peck at him for a moment. He had no bloody clue where he was. And then came a sharp bark. He scrambled to his feet and began backing away from the chicken coop. A three legged dog bounded towards him and began pointing, like a dog leading it's masters to game. And then he realized that _he_  was the game. An oddly familiar voice with a slightly Austrailian accent shouted "CRAIG, GET OUT HERE, IT'S THE CHICKEN RUSTLERS AGAIN!" It was followed by an equally familiar snap of "I'm coming, I'm coming!" The stalks rustled. A short man in a wheelchair, accompanied by a taller man appeared. Green eyes and one pink eye met one blue eye. The taller man scowled. The shorter one rolled forwards. "I should have known you wouldn't stay gone." And then Wheatley, like the coward he was, ran. "HEY, GET BACK HERE!" He didn't look back. It made sense they'd be mad at him. But even though it made sense, he didn't want to be reduced to metal scraps today. So he kept running. The sound of heavy footsteps followed him. He had the feeling that if he was caught, they'd be less merciful than the lady had been. And then he felt something tugging on his standard-issue Aperture lab coat. He whipped around to see the dog, which was snarling in fury. He shrugged the coat off and kept going until he got to the the road. A pair of signs greeted him. One was an old, beaten-up road sign that read "Turrayville, one mile." The other read "Welcome to the Companion Family Ranch." Companion. Fitting that those two would choose that as their name, seeing as they were steadfast companions, together until the end. And then a crunching of gravel. A cloud of dust surrounded him. And then he nearly got hit by a truck. He managed to cling to the undercarriage in time, and held on tightly, flattening his body to the truck as much as possible. He didn't make a sound as two beams, like green flashlights, swept across the ground. "He's gone, Craig. Must be dead." There was a noise of satisfaction, before the other man spoke. "Rick, would you mind dropping me off at the town library? I can get back on my own, I just wanted to return some books. And I was thinking we could have a movie night tonight?" "Sure." Then was the sound of a door slamming and then movement. It nearly made him sick. In fact, he was pretty sure that it _did_  make him sick. Eventually the movement stopped, and he immediately dropped off the truck. He lay there on the paved parking lot as the truck rolled away. Once it was out of sight, he ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my boys are here!!! Factventure is way underrated tbh. there is a good reason for why these two hate the Wheat Sphere so much but that's for later.
> 
> they have a pupper!!!


	7. a duet of the ones left behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GLaDOS petty and gay? GLaDOS petty and gay.

The anniversary of when she left. They'd been forcibly removed from the mainframe chamber and placed onto a testing track. But they'd escaped and gotten back to the mainframe. The sound of slightly sorrowful but bitter and spiteful singing drifted down the hallway. "You wouldn't know, would you?" P-Body peered into the room, Atlas, his shorter companion, quickly pushing him aside. The room was harshly lit like always. A table stood behind the mainframe, a Black Forest cake perched on a stand on top of it. A banner hung over that, reading "Still Don't Want You." And there She was. She looked oddly sad as She tapped something on a touchscreen. "Hope she gets this. Or maybe I don't." And then, a small robotic cough. Her head whipped towards the noise, Her yellow-orange eyes fixing on the robots. She made a robotic, inhuman hiss. "What are you doing here? Out, out!" They didn't wait for further instruction. They just ran.

And deep in the bowels of old Aperture sat a man. He could vaguely remember some things. All of the things were things he'd done, and most of them were either downright stupid, or they were just pure evil. But when they'd been happening, they'd been good. Or at least he'd talked about them that way. He stared at the ceiling. Above his head was what should have been his. He knew She was up there, conducting tests, probably a million times better at his job than he'd ever been. And he'd created Her for himself. It should have been him up there, running the facility, basking in his own smug self-triumph. He'd created the damn company in the first place, he should still run it! But now all he had was this outdated core body. It was falling apart at the seams, literally. But it was better than being dead, he guessed. So as he stared up at the ceiling, he muttered a curse under his breath. "Damn you, Caroline, or GLaDOS, if that's what you call yourself. Damn you to Android Hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the stinky bastard man is here!!!!! and more of P-Body and Atlas!!!
> 
> i think we can all guess who the guy in Old Aperture is.


	8. panic attacks and brief mentions of birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheatley returns from his... eventful... walk.

He'd just been attached. A satisfied smile crossed her face briefly as he laughed about their victory. As the elevator went up, she knew that this time, everything would be okay. This time she'd get out. And then his laugh changed, from his normal bubbly giggle to a sharper, more manic tone. More like what it sounded like when GlaDOS was amused. And she knew from experience that when GlaDOS was amused, people died. A toothy grin spread across his face as his eye met hers through the glass. "Actually, why do you have to leave? I call the shots now! You could stay here forever. Testing." She backed against the back wall of the elevator. Overpowering deja vu swept over her. Once again, she was at the mercy of a psychotic, murderous monster. But this one had been her friend, or so she thought... And as the elevator began to plummet down it's shaft, she cried.

Chell snapped out of her daydream, shivering. She'd been so tormented by nightmares that she couldn't sleep, and now her fears were finding her during the day. It certainly didn't help that the doors and windows were all being locked and boarded by a frantic Wheatley. "Right, when's the next flight to Cornwall, we need to get out of here!" She sighed. _"What. Did you see a bird? Because, there are birds in England too."_  He looked utterly terrified at the thought of birds. "No, it's the other cores, luv! They tried to run me down!" Her eyes narrowed into slits. _"Don't ever call me love again. And I'm sure they had a good reason."_

A half-hour later they were driving towards the Companion Ranch. Wheatley was having a nervous breakdown in the backseat and Chell was doing her level best to not reach behind her seat and strangle him. Shockingly, Space Core was completely silent and studying diagrams of various robots. She parked the car on the road and trudged through the dust towards the farmhouse, knocking on the door reluctantly. It was opened at once by Craig. "Oh, hello Chell! What brings you here at this hour?" She sighed and whispered "Why'd you try to kill someone?" He wheeled back, aghast. "What?? We'd never! Chell, you know us!" She leaned in closer to him. "Wheatley." His eyes narrowed. "Oh, him. Why exactly do you care that we tried to kill him?" She sighed. "Just don't please. I'll try to keep him away from you." He looked annoyed. "You know _why_  he deserves it." She nodded. "Yep. But you can't kill him." She began to walk away, and was greeted once again by Wheatley's frantic yelping. "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna-" She sighed. _"Nobody is dying."_  He sighed in relief. And she picked him up by the collar with one hand and signed with the other _"But if you make any trouble at all for anyone in this town, I'm letting them kill you. Understand?_ " So Wheatley did the normal thing to do in this situation. He fainted. Well, actually, he shut himself down, but same difference, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chell can speak?? yes. yes she can.


	9. a reason to run someone down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Wheatley isn't as innocent as he seems...

A now-familiar sound filled the central room. Glass shattering. He sighed in annoyance and glared at one of the many monitors. On it was the smugly grinning face of Rick. Bloody stupid Rick. This was, what, the nineteenth monitor? He'd had it with this. It was time to teach him a lesson. One he'd never forget. He looked over his shoulder and called "Craig? Craig, could you get over here?" Craig nervously shuffled over. "Fact : The-" He was cut off as a metal claw closed around his torso and lifted him to where all the cameras were trained on him. Over the monitors came an Aussie-accented voice, a note of panic in it. "What are you doing?" Wheatley grinned at the monitors. "Oh, now you're scared, huh? Not so cocky and brave now? Not feeling up to vandalizing _my_  property, hmm? Well, tough!" The claw slammed Craig into the wall, and he yelped in pain. Wheatley's smile grew a little bit wider. He'd feel worse very soon. He grabbed one of the other core's legs and began to pull, the claw keeping Fact's body anchored down. With a satisfying crunching and tearing of metal, his leg came free. Craig screamed, and Rick shouted "You- you- you're going to-" He laughed. "What, I'm going to pay for that? How cliché." He repeated the process with Craig's other leg, and held both up for Rick to see. "Still want to be like the human and be rebellious, eh?" The only response was a look of utter loathing and Craig's choked sobs. "And, just for good measure..." Another claw dropped down and touched Craig on the forehead, just above his left eye. And then it pulled downwards, tearing his synthetic skin from where it touched to his chest. The claws released him and he fell to the floor as Wheatley laughed.

Wheatley shuddered out of sleep mode in the back of a car in the middle of the night. He didn't know whose car it was, probably the lady's. He also didn't know why his memory bank was playing while he was shut down. It was like that weird human thing, "dreams". He shivered. Hopefully he'd never have to watch that again. He really was a monster, wasn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep. yep that happened. and now you know why rick and craig want him dead. he'd never do this while not on the mainframe but nobody really cares at this point.
> 
> and yes he was trying to test rick. it didn't really work.


	10. intrusions into showers and getting arrested

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheatley knew that he'd pay for his crimes one day. He just didn't know that one crime he committed was actually a crime. Oops.

The morning sunlight filtered through the frosted glass of the bathroom window. Chell stood under the stream of warm water raining from the showerhead, scrubbing shampoo into her hair. Showers were nice, in her opinion. A calm and refreshing break from the day. And she needed a break, considering how chaotic the past few days had been. She closed her eyes, contentedly listening to the soft hissing patter of water droplets hitting the shower tiles. The smell of tangerine soap filled the air. It was calming. So calming that she didn't hear the door open. Or the footsteps. She did notice when Wheatley opened the sliding door to the shower, however. Nothing was enough to rein in her scream of combined fury and embarassment. She yanked a towel off the rack and covered herself with it. "What the HELL, Wheatley!" He stared at her in shock and offense. "You can speak? That was a nasty trick you played on me in Aperture, then. But anyway- stop looking at me like that!- anyway do you know where you keep the confectioner's sugar? Or, wait, why is it even different than normal sugar?? Oh, and you left your guest room window unlocked, by the way, that's pretty dangerous-" She was scarlet with rage as she pushed Wheatley towards the door. "Top cabinet to the right of the fridge, now OUT!!"

Wheatley stumbled out of the bathroom. What was her problem? And why had she never told him she wasn't mute??? He made his way into the kitchen, where he looked in utter horror at the top cabinet. He was simply too small to reach it. So he knew what he must do.

Five minutes later he had pushed the kitchen table up to the counter and was trying to put a chair on top of that. The lady came in, hair dripping and clothed and then she just stopped, staring at him on his precarious perch on the backrest of the chair. And then she smacked her forehead with a palm. He was fairly sure that was a bad thing for humans. She let out a long sigh. "You could have used the stepladder." He tilted his head in confusion. "Stepladder? What stepladder? And what does this 'stepladder' look like anyhow?" She gestured to what looked like a regular ladder but shorter, propped up in one corner of the pantry. "Oohhh..." He was about to climb down, when a knock on the front door made him freeze. She went to answer it, and the man in blue that he'd seen in front of the human "Aldi" thing entered. "Sorry to disturb you, ma'am, but we've got an arrest warrant for a man who is said to be occupying this house." She turned and looked at Wheatley. Wheatley looked at her and then at the man. And then the man pulled him off the chair and put connected metal bracelets around his wrists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> portal 3 : wheatley vs jail. coming when valve learn to count to three.


	11. how to get out of jail in a week : irritate the guards enough that they get tired of you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be... interesting...

Wheatley had spent only half an hour in jail and he already hated it. He'd been forced to wear an orange jumpsuit that reminded him _way_ too much of Aperture, _and_  he was stuck in a tiny cell with a smelly human, with two small softish slabs attached to the wall, and some mysterious floor-mounted thing that was apparently how humans got rid of waste materials. Why humans had waste materials, he didn't know, as cores efficiently used all of the fuel they consumed, leaving no remnants. He'd demanded that the man in blue, apparently something called a "police" let him out. The man had sighed and told him that unless "Chell" bailed him out, that he'd be in there for a month. An entire month! He didn't even know who this "Chell" was??? Was he or she or they the ruler of this place??? That night he discovered that he was expected to go to something called "dinner" and then go to something called "shower". He had assumed they were odd human festivities. He then found out he was extremely wrong. "Dinner" was held in a large room and featured flavorless squarish soft biscuits, what the actual HECK AMERICA-, some odd slab of gray meat, that when scanned could not be identified as any animal other than "tofu", and a heap of whitish soft stuff which somebody told him was potatoes, which was obviously a lie, he knew too well what potatoes looked like and it wasn't that. And then he discovered that a shower was like the glass box that the lady seemed disturbed that he'd seen her in, except a lot less nice and a lot more grimy. There was a minor disturbance when he realized he was supposed to strip and did so, resulting in some odd looks and a few comments about things like "Wait, what's wrong with him?" and "Where's his... you know?" And then there was a worse commotion when he began to feel odd during the "shower". It turned out that his body was not designed to convert human fuel into electricity and a liquidy paste of chewed food began to leak from his mouth and eye sockets. Then he was carted, still clothes-less, to what was called a "prison doctor" who examined him very thoroughly and determined that "Well, he's either a robot or an alien, your pick." Then he was given a different jumpsuit and escorted back to his cell, where his cellmate kept a wide berth from him. This kept going for about a week until he realized that maybe it would be better if he didn't eat the food there. Then the day after his realization, he found the generator for the building during lunch. Then there was a blackout and a minor riot while he charged. Then the lady arrived and the man in blue told her to "Please pay bail for your robot-alien-thing, because he's a liability." Then there was a discussion about money, which Wheatley tuned out because it was incredibly boring, and also because he had no clue what money actually was. And then he was free and his clothes were returned to him. And then he was half-walking, half-being dragged across town. "Hey!! Hey, lady? Can you not, y'know, drag me?" She looked down at him in fury. _"I. Cannot. Believe. You. You stole from a store???"_  He looked up at her in confusion. "Wait, wait. What do you mean, _stole_?? Aren't you supposed to take stuff??" Her fury turned to mild shock and then amusement, and then exasperation. _"No, Wheatley, you have to pay."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he can officially say he's been arrested.


	12. in which ravens scare the living daylights out of the co-op team

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheatley should be fleeing town right about now.

Fingers flew across a keyboard, typing news of the Traitor's return from deep space. Describing everything he'd done so far and where he could be found. Telling what he might do in the future. With the input of the right email address, it was off. Now all he could do was hope that She checked her email.

It was usually rather obvious to the denizens of Aperture when She was in a bad mood. This time, She hadn't done anything. No threats, no fury. Just utter silence as She stared at the screen of a computer, a look of pure hatred in her eyes. P-Body and Atlas stood outside the chamber, arguing about who was going to go in. And then they heard a harsh, sharp sound that no robot could produce- or at least no robot who was remotely okay. They slowly looked upward, dreading the sight of one of the ravens. This one had a pink band around it's leg. Thank Johnson. They could deal with Mr. Chubby-beak. Any of the others, and there'd be a massive problem. The raven landed on Atlas's head and stayed there, fluffing up it's feathers. P-Body looked at his smaller companion in a way that suggested that it'd have to be him. Atlas made a sound like a robotic sigh and trudged into the mainframe chamber. She didn't even notice him at first, until Mr. Chubby-beak flew up and landed on her shoulder. She looked down at Atlas, not with rage, but with something approaching glee, which was always worse. "Oh, there you are, Blue. Is Orange with you? I hope so... I've got a little mission for you two." As P-Body crept in, shivering, Atlas felt true dread for the first time, as She began to quietly laugh. They'd never heard her laugh before. And it scared them.

A quiet, feminine laugh penetrated the silence of old Aperture, and the defunct core looked up at the ceiling once more, sighing. He looked back around his home, made of salvaged parts from broken bots, turrets and cores. 'The Pit' is what he'd heard so many terrified cores who were about to be scrapped call it. At that point, he had a life. He didn't think he'd ever be down here. Ever. He'd had a _loyal_  assistant then. A miniature Morality Core attached to what looked like a desk lamp on wheels moved over to him. He gave a small smile as he looked down at her. At least Betty didn't care about that. Even if she was mute and in all probability, half-mad, she was still some odd form of company. He looked back up at the ceiling. He'd get up there someday. He didn't know when or how, but he would.   
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bastard man is back!!!
> 
> valve why can't betty exist she's the best thing you could have created.  
> the ravens are called Marshmallow, Licorice and Mr. Chubby-beak. Two of them hate everybody. Mr. Chubby-beak does not hate everyone.


	13. not corrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeetidy skeetidy yeetedy skay, i remembered to update this fic today!

  
P-Body and Atlas emerged from Aperture in the middle of a wheat field, blinking up at the starry sky in wonder. It was calm and beautiful, a change from the bland whiteness of Aperture. The ravens flew up into the air, black feathers blending seamlessly with the night. It was amazing, they thought. It was such a shame that this would probably be the only time they'd get to see the surface. And it was even more of a shame that they'd do something horrible up here.

Wheatley was back outside. The lady had thrown him into her backyard with a "camp cot" and a fluffy, thick, comfortable something. So he lay on the cot and watched the stars and tried to ignore the racket from the garage. He had no clue what Space Core was doing in there, but he didn't like it. Especially not after maniacal laughter erupted from the garage. A minute later, Space Core flopped on the grass next to him, the synth-skin ripped off of his throat, oil slowly dripping from the wound and pooling under him. He made an odd robotic scraping noise, before speaking, his words intelligible through the odd static that he was producing. "Fixed my vocal processors." Wheatley nodded and made a sound of approval. A second after that he was screaming his head off in an odd gleeful horror. "You can- you're- you-" Space Core chuckled as he watched Wheatley gibbering and gesticulating frantically. "I'm not crazy? Yeah." He kept gazing wistfully at the sky as Wheatley panicked. "Ooo, Venus is out tonight." Wheatley sat back down and tried to process this new revelation. "So, let me get this straight, buddy. You weren't ever broken or corrupted?? You just couldn't speak???" Space Core nodded. "Yeah. My name's not Space Core, by the way, if that wasn't obvious. It's Neil." Wheatley nodded in approval again. "Nice name, that. It'll take getting used to, but I like it." Space Core- no, Neil- kept staring up at the starry night sky. "You know, the sky is really great out here. It's because this is a small town, and there's no light pollution." Wheatley actually could appreciate space for once. He looked at the swirling nebulas and thought that hey, maybe life could work out up here. He didn't know how, but it could. And then, two pairs of arms grabbed ahold of him. Before Neil could help, Wheatley was dragged through a fence and away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and now shit begins to go down


	14. new friend and an old enemy a.k.a wheatley has more flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now the real plot kicks off.

The mainframe room was almost pristine. A beautiful fog-gray, marred only by the hole in the floor where the elevator tube had been. Wheatley flipped idly through monitors, not really caring what he could see through them. The radio blared it's annoyingly peppy music. He was beginning to grow tired of it. The other stations were no better, simply being static. But he'd take static over the one song that was played as an infinite loop. As he tuned it to static, he heard a voice, bright and cheery with a tiny undertone of sorrow, announcing something. "Farewell, my human test subject." Humans? Interesting... So Wheatley made contact. "Hello? Who are you?" There was a muffled noise of something, probably the radio, being dropped. Then the same voice again. "Wh-what?? Who- There's someone else here??" Wheatley sighed. This person sounded a tiny bit dumb when compared to himself, a genius. "Yes. This is the Mainframe Core, Wheatley. Who are you?" Some nervous stammering followed, and then intelligible speech. "Well, this is the, uh, Paint-Gun-Testing-Initiative-Core, Nigel." He gave a small purr of interest and curiosity. "Nigel, huh? I think that we're going to be getting to know each other a little better."

Cold. Bitter, icy cold. It felt like being back in space, except with gravity. But there was something else. A seething, malicious fury, with a calculating and cruel mind behind it. That definitely hadn't been in space. He slowly opened his eye a crack. A soft, cool gray filled his line of vision. That seemed okay, so he opened his eye fully. Now what he could see was terrifying. A tall, thin woman, wearing a pristine and shiny labcoat, and a snarl of machinery and wires seemed to be attatched to her. Her short, white hair was oddly choppy, as if it hadn't been cut properly, but it accented her gray skin nicely. A semi-transparent black screen covered one eye... Oh no, her eyes. They were a fiery orange-yellow, and they glowed with the fury he had sensed. He scrabbled for a name to her face, and came up with none. And then he knew. Then it clicked in his brain where he was. The mainframe chamber. And he was facing Her, but with nobody to help him this time. No chance of a core transfer. He was going to die. A small smile that didn't match Her eyes graced Her face. "Well. The little moron couldn't handle space. And now he's back home where he belongs." He couldn't say anything. She was right, he was a moron. He should have stayed up there. No, scrap space, he should have run after She woke up. He should have ran like the coward he was. "I've decided to be merciful. I'll let you have a bit longer left to live while I try out a testing track I've just gained access to. And don't try befriending the supervisor. He knows what will happen if you do." And with that, he was being forced into a neurotoxin tube and being sent away to some horrifying dump he'd never seen before. He really was doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NIGEL'S HERE, PARTY HAS STARTED-


	15. i dont know what to call this one, but it has nigel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHOS BACK BITCHES. ITS ME.

He woke in a room. It was small, and looked very similar to a relaxation vault. In fact, Wheatley was fairly sure it WAS a relaxation vault. A blare of static, and then a peppy, teenage sounding voice that Wheatley swore he'd heard before assaulted his ears with a chirpy "Hello!" He made an incoherent moaning noise and flopped vaguely upwards. He was in a bathroom, in some device he hadn't seen at the Lady's house. It was like a tub. Bathtub. That was it. "Ah. It seems you are, uh, not doing to well." He had many things to say to this new voice, and only one came out. "Shut up." he mumbled eloquently. He managed to claw his way out of the bathtub, and fell face-first on the floor. Then he managed to force himself into standing, and walking came next. As he entered the main area of the vault, he noticed a pedestal with a strange, white gun on it. Were they giving him a portal gun? His hopes were quickly dashed, as he realized that it was filled with blue and orange liquid. A sinking feeling hit him. He was testing with gels...

\----------

A few hours later, he'd finally reached a break room. He collapsed onto the floor, shaking. He was covered in gel and synthetic sweat and just wanted to take a nap. A monitor popped out of the wall, and flickered to life, showing an orange-haired and tan-skinned core. He had a youthful appearance and bright orange eyes that looked like the logo for something Wheatley had seen once. This must be the person supervising his tests. "Hello there, Test Subject Name Here!" He pronounced "here" in an odd way, more like "hee-yah". "My name's Nigel, and I am the Paint-Gun-Testing-Initiative Core! Just thought I'd get to know ya while you're on your mandatory fifteen minute break!" Wheatley mumbled into the floor. "M'names Wheatley. Not... whatever you said." Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the boy - Nigel - recoil in shock. "The Mainframe Core? The corrupted one?" He sighed. "Do I _have_ to be known as that? It's not a high point for me." Nigel looked a bit taken aback, before nodding sharply. "No, not at all! Just, well, you know." He sighed again. "Yes, I do know."

\--------

Somewhere in Old Aperture, a rusty, tired old core had been tinkering. He'd been constucting a new body, or at least modifications to the old one. He attached himself, plugged all the wires in and everything. Now he just needed to flip the metaphorical switch. He concentrated hard, looking for the data signal of the new body. And he found it. A loud scream echoed through Old Aperture, followed by a chuckle. And then, harsh, barking laughter. He'd done it. He was on his way to being king again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ruh-roh, bastard man did a Bad Thing™.


	16. four different experiences, (almost) all at the same time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one also has Nigel! And Neil! And Betty!

Tests, tests, tests. This was his life now. Bouncing off the walls and skidding across ramps, getting soaked head to toe in blue and orange in the process. And now Nigel was shilling Citranium, which as far as Wheatley knew was a soda that he COULDN'T DRINK. At least now the chambers had some variety, mimicking the surface that Wheatley desperately wanted to go back to. After Nigel shilled his stupid citrus drink for the umpteenth time, he lost it. He stopped what he was doing and glared at the android on his rail far above him. "Shut up. Just, please, shut up." Nigel frowned, peering down at him with those neon orange eyes. "Oh. I'm annoying you, aren't I... Sorry..." The tone of his voice made Wheatley feel a little sorry for the kid. "Y'know, nevermind. It's fine." Nigel immediately brightened up and continued his speech about Citranium. Wheatley smiled a little, despite his annoyance. It almost reminded him of Space- er, Neil. He wondered how that guy was doing...

A few nights ago... Chell was getting ready for bed when she heard the screen door in the back slam open hard enough that it sounded as if it could come off it's hinges. She sighed, mentally unprepared for yet another confrontation with Wheatley. But the core who burst into her bedroom, frantically gibbering about Wheatley and GLaDOS and... something... was most definitely NOT the little terror. "Space?" The only response she got was a frantic call of "WHEATLEY! GONE! HELP!" She put her hands out, grabbing onto the terrified android's shoulders in an effort to ground him. "Calm down! Tell me what happened." She spoke in an authoritative tone, and it had an effect. Through choked gasps (probably synthetic, she thought, as robots couldn't breathe), Space spoke. "Wh-wheatley... he's gone.. they took him, back to Aperture." She sighed, went to a cupboard, and pulled out a rifle and her old portal gun, the one Wheatley had when he arrived. She put on a hoodie over her pajamas, strapped the rifle to her back, slipped her long-fall boots back on, and attached the portal gun to her arm. Space looked at her in shock, and she couldn't help but smirk. "Come on. We're getting that little menace back."

Down in the dark depths of old Aperture... A loud crunching and tearing of metal filled the air. To practice with this new body, he'd hunted down a lost turret, one of the defective ones, and was now ripping it's corpse apart and drinking it's synthetic blood with glee. He couldn't believe how strong this body was, and how powerful it made him feel, to have done this, to have shredded this little scrap to bits. A movement caught the corner of his eye, and he swiveled his head around to see Betty, his little companion, shivering and cowering in fear. In life, he never tolerated cowards, and he didn't intend to even as this robotic beast.

Betty quivered in fear as her friend (or was he that anymore?) loomed over her, enveloping her in his massive shadow. His eyes glinted with an unrecognizable emotion (hunger? joy? rage? maybe all three??) and the unfortunate turret's blood dripped from his fanged mouth, which even now was twisting into a word, whispered but still clearly audible. "Sorry." And then he lunged, and there was pain, and then Betty thought no more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RIP betty. i had to kill her to acheive my vision for the story. not really but it works better with her dead. also yeah this takes place immediately after Consequences.


	17. wheatley vs the incinerator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wheatley nears the end of the testing track, and meets a new face. Well, new to him anyway.

Wheatley skidded to a halt in front of a docked platform and stood, panting, sides heaving and absolutely soaked in gel. A whirring of machinery told him that Nigel was now positioned directly above him, but he was too tired to look up. "Congratulations! You have officially finished thr tests! Just get on the ASUS- I mean, the Aperture Science Unstationary Scaffold, and it will take you to the end, where Citranium will be provided!" Wheatley groaned. Soda? Really? "Can, uh, can I have freedom instead?" A long, tense pause. And then a slightly less chipper "No." A sigh, and then he stepped onto the platform. It immediately began smoothly moving along the corridor it was postioned in. After five minutes, Wheatley was getting bored. Then Nigel shouted "LOOK OUT!" He heard a soft voice, neither male nor female say "Hello, friend!" And then a bullet grazed his cheek, drawing a trail of blue blood across his face. He fired his gel gun wildly, a blob of blue smacking the turret and sending it careening into the acidic goo below. He had to shoot a few more turrets before finally coming to a stop in front of a sealed pair of giant doors. A party horn blew, and then something smacked him in the head. Further examination revealed it was a soda can, and more of them were raining down around him. Nigel chuckled softly, before trailing into a sad sigh. The doors opened, and Wheatley nearly sobbed. The trajectory of the Unstationary Scaffold lead directly into a firepit. He glared up at Nigel, seething with fury. "Y-you- you horrible person! You knew! You wanted me dead!" Nigel looked as if he'd already been close to tears, and Wheatley's anger pushed him over the edge. He began crying his eyes out as the platform descended. "I'm sorry! I don't want this! If I could let you go I would, but- She'll kill me!" Wheatley groaned. Of course. He was just a kid, he didn't want to die. But neither did Wheatley. But it seemed he would, so he might as well make it quick. So he steeled himself and jumped into the flames.

As it turned out, the firepit was created by flammable gases being sprayed from the walls and immediately being set alight. So, in layman's terms - or in Wheatley screams "HOLY BLOODY HELL, THERE'S NO FLOOR!" His screams went unheard by all, echoing on the walls of the long chute he was falling down. He had an odd sense of vertigo when he looked down, and if he had a stomach, it would be rapidly climbing his throat. Was this how She and the lady felt when He punched them down that elevator shaft? He thought it must be. He fell for what seemed like forever, until he smacked into a pipe. His fall continued, but he didn't know. He fell through the void, unconscious. Until...

He came to on soft grass and scrap metal, with something dripping onto his face. One blue eye stared into two orange ones. And he screamed. Whatever the thing was, it drew back in shock. As he frantically scrabbled away, he got a closer look at it. From the waist down, it was all insecty, thin pointed legs holding up a rather mantislike body constructed of scrap metal. But from the waist up, it was a core, larger than him, but then again everyone was. It stared at him with those segmented orange eyes, before running it's hand of large claws through it's slicked-back dirty blonde hair. It looked almost like an older man wearing a turtleneck and jacket, although the rest of it's appearance made it clear that it was not just a human. "Oh! You're alive, then. I'm going to kill you now, so if you could hold still..." Wheatley rolled to the side as one of the legs plunged into the ground next to him. If he hadn't moved, it would have skewered him like a shish-kebab. He didn't know HOW he knew what a kebab was, but now was not the time to wonder. "DON'T! Uh, don't kill me, that is! I know Her! GLaDOS, the Mainframe, I mean! Used to have Her job n'all! So She might be a little mad???" His speech faltered. She most certainly wouldn't care if this... beast, for lack of a better word, killed him. But his words had an effect on it, as it drew back a little more. "You... used to be the Mainframe? Would that happen to be around when all those earthquakes started happening, by any chance? And when that test subject came by with Her stuffed in a potato?" Wheatley sighed in relief. This thing knew the lady! He might be saved! "Yes! You know that lady?" The thing shook it's - was it an it? It looked like a he? - head "Sorry, buckaroo. Not at all. I've heard of you though. You're, uhhh, Wilson, right?" And then he sighed again, but this time in exasperation. "It's Wheatley." The beast snapped his claws together with an unnervingly sharp grin. "Knew it started with a W! Well, Wheatley, you can now say you've spoken with the CEO of Aperture Science! That's right! I'm the one, the only... Cave Johnson!" He was met with a blank stare. "Sorry, who now?" This elicited a groan of disappointment from Cave. "Really?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHH WE FINALLY PROPERLY MEET THE RAT BASTARD MAN. gggggod i hate him, im gonna kill him, he better give me 200 dollars, etc.


End file.
